I was listening to the radio today, and there were a group of "intellectuals" discussing why on a football match, some of the most common insults involve:

1. Doubting the other fans exclusive dedication to heterosexuality
2. Declaring that the other fans come from one of our fine neighbouring countries.

Well, they went around the subject, and brought forward stuff like ritual ahem of prisoners of war in ancient eras, and xenophobia, and homophobia, and racism, and insecurity about their own sexual inclinations, and how the anonimity of the mass changes behaviour, and many, many, many other things.

Well, of course, they are stupid morons who shouldn't be allowed to breath near a micropohone, unless they are reading stuff written by someone who is actually thinking.

Those insults are used because they work in their intended context.

What you call someone else, assuming you are willing to say anything doesn't depend on the insulter. It depends on the insulted.

If I think someone will think offense of being called a wooden wind instrument, or a bunch of twigs, and I relly intend to hurt him, well, that insult will work (no, I don't usually do this).

If I think the other guy is a racist and will be deadly offended by suggesting his ancestors sailed fom Norway, well, calling him a Norseman would be effective.

Since the members of a holigan band are pretty much like the members of the other, this means they don't actually believe the other guy is gay, or Icelandic, or whathaveyou, but just that they expect the other guy to get angry, so a nice fight with cycle chains can take place (no, I don't do those things).

In fact, it doesn't even mean that they would get very offended, it's just a bunch of codewords: "they called us tree-fornicators (no, that's not a real insult), let's go bash their faces". It's a ritual.

How can five people babbling for two hours not see those obvious points, I have no idea.

If you want to see if society evolves about race or sex, it's not a matter of noone calling the others by racist or sexist words, it's about those words not hurting.

And that, dear reader, is why political correctness doesn't work worth a damn.

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Imagine the most ridiculously over-the-top cliche movie about sports. Here are some of the ingredients, and how last night´s match between Boca and River compares in a 1/10 scale.

• A bitter rivalry

  9 This is a century-old rivalry, between teams from the same city, who happen to be the most successful and popular teams in the country.

  Trust me, this is serious stuff. So serious, that for security reasons, it was the first time ever in argentine football history that the visiting team´s fans were forbidden from attending the match.

• It must be an important match

  9 It was a do-or-die affair, it being eliminatory home-and-away, but it was only the semifinal of the most important club tournament possible for them, the Libertadores Cup (S.Am. equivalent of the Champions League).

  It would have been better for this to be the final, but there has never been a same-country final in this tournament (that I know), so this was as good as it gets.

• A clear favourite

  5 The first match (at Boca´s home) was won by Boca 1-0, but River could have won 2-1 or so, had they been even slightly lucky (Boca´s coach is recognized as the luckiest man on earth by some).

  River had kicked Boca´s butt all over the field a few weeks ago, playing ten times better, but...

  Boca has River´s number, and has had it for ten years or so. Boca has won close, and has won clear, has won at home and away, has won in local, international and friendly matches, has won deservingly and has won by sheer luck. But they have won almost everything for 5 or 6 years, including three of these cups, and two Intercontinental cups against the Champions League winner, so... noone was going to say River was a clear favourite. At all.

• A hostile environment

  9 The largest hostile crowd in argentine football history. 66000 chanting, bloodthirsty River fans. And in the middle of it, about 20 Boca players, coaches and assistants. Scary stuff.

  It wasn´t Brazil-Uruguay in 1950, but then again, there has never been anything like Brazil-Uruguay in 1950 (and never could be again).

• Ridiculous suspense.

  9 Boca came 1-0 ahead. River scored, evening the aggregate.

  Boca player ejected. Things look grim for them.

  Then River lost two players in the same play (one ejected, one injured, no replacements available).

  In the 89th minute, Boca scores. They are now ahead.

  In the 94th minute(!) River scores, all even. Penalties.

  The first 8 penalties are scored. It comes down to the last penalty for each team. The river player misses! It all is now in the hands of a single player, and a single kick. Which brings us to...

• The unlikely hero

  9 The guy is 21. He is not even a regular substitute, but all the regular penalty shooters are for some reason unable to take them, they have been ejected, or replaced, or injured.

  So, he takes it, he scores, Boca wins, and 66000 looks as if someone has played a evil trick with their guts.

Man, I love this game.

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Topics: movies